I’ve been hearing too many people use clichéd phrases recently…and, quite honestly, it’s the reason I’ve been sick! I thought about seeing a doctor, but I’m certain this kinda sickness has no cure! Anyway, I thought I’d write about it and I’m sure that getting it off my chest will help heal the pain.

1. No big deal

I asked someone today to help me with something at work. They replied, “No big deal.” What on earth? What am I to understand by that? They wanted me to know that they would do it but also pointed out that it wasn’t a ‘big deal’ for them. Of course it isn’t, you dimwit! That’s why I asked YOU to do it! If it was a ‘big deal’ for you, I wouldn’t have asked you in the first place. Arghhhhh! And what’s the deal with this phrase, anyway? No big deal? Not a big deal? If it isn’t a big deal, then just say ‘small deal’! Don’t say ‘No’! So much negativity, it’s driving me crazy! Humph!

2. Not my cup of tea

This phrase is just a lame cover up for laziness and lack of ability. How many people have you asked to do something and they’ve replied that it’s ‘not their cup of tea’? What they want to say is ‘we don’t know how to do it’ or rather ‘we can’t’. But being the cover-ups that they are…they will opt for escape using this phrase. Not my cup of tea.
I wonder who invented this phrase? Must be a grumpy old English man, who sat in his arm chair one fine day, wondering what his purpose in life was after all…as he slowly sipped a cup of tea. That’s when he had an ‘Aha’ moment and realised his calling was to invent boring phrases that would soon become famous. Everything else wasn’t his ‘cup of tea’! Turns out this wasn’t his cup of tea after all—given how lame the phrase is and how heavily misused it is.

3. Raining cats and dogs

This phrase makes no sense. It’s nonsense. Raining cats and dogs is supposed to mean it’s raining heavily! But HOW??? I tried thinking of it from every angle but it still makes no sense. Sounds disturbing and worrying. I like cats and dogs and hearing this phrase always makes me think of little puppies and kittens falling from the sky and dying when they hit the ground. Why promote such violent thoughts? Children should be banned from being taught this phrase! It sounds sadistic and brutal. Hello, PETA! Where are you? You have PETA protesting against animal skin being used to make handbags…when people are freely suggesting that it’s okay to see animals being thrown to their death from the sky! OMG!

4. You can bring a horse to the water, but you can’t make it drink.

Duh! Of course, you can’t! I hate phrases and sayings like this that state the obvious. Of course you can’t make someone else do something that they don’t want to do or something that they can’t do! Isn’t that common sense, or am I unaware of how uncommon sense is? And why did they choose a horse to be the animal in this phrase? How horsist! Wouldn’t the other animals feel bad and left out? Uff! (I would’ve selected the sloth to be in a phrase like this, not a horse!)

5. Feather in one’s cap

If someone suggests to me that something is, or will be, a feather in my cap…I’m going to have to remind them that I’m not Peter Pan. I don’t wear caps and even if I did, I sure wouldn’t wear feathers in mine! I understand it’s a metaphor to suggest ‘something that I will be proud of’. But, if you really want to use a metaphor to suggest that what I’m doing will be something I will be proud of, then please make it personal na? Please suggest something that I can identify with. ‘This project will be a piercing in your ear!”This deal will be a new eyeshadow shade in your make up kit!”This piece of writing is a beautiful dress in your wardrobe!’….you get the point!

I would love to go on but the other phrases that irritate me are not worth writing about. They’re as meaningless as Rahul Mahajan’s Swayamvar. They’re as unimportant as Ricky Martin’s music. And they’re sure as pointless as any point made by Rakhi Sawant.

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