My spite for watching sports isn’t new, but posting this fact on my blog is. I know I’m going to get some hate mail for this, but I really don’t mind anymore. I must let out the truth some time and the truth is this—I hate watching sports. Playing a sport makes sense to me since it helps in keeping you fit and all, but watching a bunch of sweaty guys keeping fit on TV and cheering for them while you stuff your face with food, isn’t really happening! So, there it is finally!
I dislike watching sports as much as I do hearing some lame terms they use in sports “lingo”. I hear some of these terms and wonder why they didn’t hire a clever ad agency to think of more orginal names instead. Or simply, just hire me! Blah!
Anyways, here’s some of the sport terms that I think are pointless and should be abolished forever along with the sport that they’re associated with.
1. “Match point”
This Tennis term makes me want to change channels so quickly, you won’t even have time to say “Stop!” It is said so often in the one tennis match that you want to jump off a building at the end of it! And the timing is even worse! They usually say “match point” when your precisely thinking what is the point of this match. What is worse is the tone in which they say it—this dry emotionless tone that sounds so neutral it is actually more irritating that the match itself. If they have to say it so often, they might as well get a radio jockey to do it with some sort of enthusiasm in her voice! “Match point” is why I don’t watch tennis. Period.
2. No Ball
What on earth is a ‘no ball’? Why would they even call it that? The bowler throws the ball at the batsman and if he messes up, it’s a ‘no ball’. What a load of rubbish! He just threw the ball, we all saw it, it has been recorded, there are a stadium full of witnesses to it but then the umpire will make some stupid sign and say it’s a ‘no’ ball as if it never happened.
No ball. How pessimistic a term. Whoever came up with it was probably a depressed pessimist who always saw the glass half empty. He could have named that bowling miss a ‘bowler’s fowl’ or what have you, but no!!!!! It must be some named some negative word that will insinuate negativity in the field and depress everyone! That’s why I hate cricket. Who wants to hear terms like ‘no’ ball on a bright sunny day, when everything is going well?
This word doesn’t really annoy me as much as it makes me hungry. Scrum. I don’t watch rugby and don’t ever plan to, but I know what a scrum means. It’s when the huge, sweaty rugby players come together and do a group headlock. I don’t know and don’t care why they do it, but they do it in every single match. What I don’t understand is why they decided to call it a scrum. It sounds like the name of a classy, chilled cocktail drink. I’ll have the lobster in garlic, pepper sauce and a scrum to go with it, please! Thank you.
Scrum is just a pointless sport term that is so unmanly, that I wonder why they use it in rugby – one of the supposedly manly games!
Someone reading this, please invent a cocktail with that name please – SCRUM! Yummmm
I actually don’t hate this basketball term. I only think it’s misused thoroughly in commentaries. If the commentator is talking about the players’ sweat drops dribbling all over the court, I can understand. But they usually use it when referring to the ball. That’s what ruins it for me. Sweat can dribble, water can dribble, balls….I’m not sure!
I have a list of gazillion more sport terms I don’t like but they’re really not worth the time and effort to even write about. So, I’m going to leave it at this.
Writing this is been too emotional for me. I need a brown paper bag to barf in.